Sunday, May 8, 2011

my heart is speaking

kenape ade org kate aku ni cepat marah? aku bukan bad temper la. i just have a very sensitive heart. thats all.
im not going to be angry at everything. there are just some 'things' that i am so sensitive about. well, i might look strong from the outside but im fragile in the inside. those who knows me well enough can see right through me. they don't just KNOW me, they are part of me. sad thing is, there are a few people who actually know me since i was a little kid until now but they still don't understand me. they declare themselves as they know me well enough but actually, they just know my character, not my heart.

they judge me.

they think they are correct about me all the time and keep telling me what is wrong all the time. come on ! im 19 ! i know how to differenshit what is good and vice versa. STOP! just stop telling me all the negative things about me. you don't even know my heart so stop judging me. i can't stand it anymore. im not a pressure cooker. i'll burst one day. i can't keep it all inside and pretend that i don't care a thing about what you said to me.
those words hurt me deep. i can't act cool anymore. your words struck my heart so hard that it broke into pieces. and everyday i keep picking up every pieces but each time, i was stuck mid-way because you keep crush it back over and over again. you don't even try to heal me and you don't even give me time to heal it myself.

oh, i forgot, you don't know my heart, do you?

you never even try to know my heart. you just so confidence with yourself acting smart like you know me more than i know myself. that is why i become so rebellious. that is why i don't follow your words. that is why i rarely smile when im with you. i keep it all inside. yes aku pendam. come on, you don't even give me a chance to be myself. you just want me to be who you want me to be. you want me to be perfect for you in your way. im human. not a robot that you can programmed. i want to be perfect for you. but please..please im begging you just let me do it myself in my way. not in your way. please stop being so narrow minded. stop comparing me with others. how do you feel when i started to compare you with others? im sure it hurts you like hell. im human. i have a heart and my heart is not a pressure cooker.

i am sorry. i don't usually being so sensitive towards other people. im so sensitive toward you because i love you. i love you so much but  you don't give me a chance to show you how deep my love is towards you. 

i am angry.

i became angrier from day to day because each day, i lost my opportunity to express my love. im dying to let you know how much i love you. it just that, often, my anger stop me from showing you how much i love you. i heart you. i miss your hug, i miss you say you love me, i miss you say you miss me...

i miss you lah! 

can't you just see it!

open your mind please ! 
please please ):

i know you are not going to read this.
but at this moment, i need to pour my heart out. i can't keep it anymore. i think this time im feeling better. even though i don't know what future will do. but let's hope eh? always have faith. that's what keeping me standing all this while. 

have faith in ALLAH.
HE knows you well enough.

1 comment:

  1. Dearie, please be strong foe me (;