a gift of a mom (:

this is for you, mom.

well, you see, i don't even know how to start a wonderful introduction to describe you. your greatness, your love, your kindness is beyond everything. and i am so terrible for not wishing you a happy mother's day to you earlier today. i am so very sorry okay ? it is just that, i'm....shy you know. but to be honest, i am so in love with you since my very first day that i was embedded in your uterus lining. i can still remember it well ,during that time when i said 'i love you' and you said ' i love you more' then i said 'i love you most' and the you smile. (: i have a very sharp memory you see, and it comes from you. i mean God gave it to you and then you passed it down to me, right?

sorry cause i didn't celebrate mother's day with you like other people did with balloon, cakes, presents, surprises, and other stuff. it just because i don't want you to be in a mess later after the celebration. i love you, that's why.

so since i am so shy to admit anything to you verbally, i think this is the best way for me to actually express everything that i feel toward you since a long time ago. i know im not gold compare to other siblings. i might consider myself as the blacksheep of the family. i did a lot of things that you hate, i broke your heart several times, i didn't express my love towards you in a correct way. is there any wrong way to express love by the way? there are so much more things that i had done that makes you feel sad, pressure and cry. i can't list it all out here since there are soooo much of it. my second child syndrome i torturing me. fine, i can't blame that syndrome. the problem is me myself. but in a nutshell, i am so so so very sorry to you mother for i have sinned. i love you so much my love towards you is beyond comparison. i just want you to know how much i actually love you. i don't have enough strength to say it out loud in front of you everyday and i don't know why. maybe i'm .....shy. no, ego. 

honestly, i hate it to have to look back to stuff that had did that drives you crazy. i know i should learn from those mistakes but it is just me...i don't know why but it hurts me each time i think about it so i just decided to put a mask to cover all of my mistakes. i can't forget it for sure. i just hate it. i hate me for doing that but i just don't want to admit it. (i do admit it now, isn't it?). i know it means a lot to you if i admit it myself in real world and not in this cyberspace but i just..can't bring myself to tell you. i feel so guilty. sorry.

anyway, enough with yesterdays. truth to be told, i am so grateful and happy to have you, mom, as my mom and there is no one in this world that can replace you. there is no way i can repay back to you for all the things you had done to me. you give birth to me, raise me up in a perfect way, feed me, teach me, and most important, love me. okay maybe later in the future i can feed you and take care of you and do other other things to show how much i want to repay all your kindest, i will do, i swear, but there is one gift from you that i can never ever give back to you- u give birth to me. there is no way in the world that i can get pregnant and give birth to you. hehe.
truth is, deep inside me, im struggling to do my best to show how much i love and appreciate you as my mother. i am willing to sacrifice anything for you. i'll dive bullet for you mom, to show how much i need you and i won't be here without you.

i am so terribly sorry for the hard times that i had gave to you or will give to you (we will never know). but i'll try as hard as possible to obey all your requests, orders, wishes....anything!

since you birthday is tomorrow, i would love to take this advantage so that i won't be late-again, to wish you;

happy birthday 

and

happy mother's day

to you, my 

DEAREST MOM

Julie Kadir.

if there is anything that i forgot to scribble down here for you, i regret it so much. it is just that you are so amazing that there is no word that can describe you just right.

alhamdulillah. 

mom, i promise you when i grow up and had make enough money, i'll make your dream garden comes true. i'll hire a gardener to take care of all those angiosperm and gymnosperms so that you can enjoy nature in the middle of global warming. (:

there are a lot more to write but im afraid that i don't have enough time before midnight. i wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday since i had been the last one to wish you happy mother's day. (teruk kan?)

 so that's all FOR NOW.

i heart you so much. mom.

lots of lungss,

angah