Sunday, May 22, 2011

'negative-minded' people; i make this for you

 Allah had created so many things, so many events, so many chances, so many beautiful feelings, and just so little hatred in our hearts. still, why certain people are still acting so negative towards life? are they not blessed? sure they are. even the most poorest human in this world is actually blessed by Allah. this world is created so beautiful in so many ways. it depends on us to look at it in which way either in beautiful way or vice versa.

this post is for negative people.

you know you will never get blessed, or satisfied, or happy when all the negatives thingy is going on your mind all the time. you kept thinking about what the worst can happen and never thought about the bright side. yes, i know we must be prepared to meet the worst but there is one word that can change everything. 
don't you believe in hope? then you don't believe that God is exist and will always take care of us. for the denier, if you read this now im sure you will deny it don't you? you will give excuses like, 'take a precaution steps','early planning', bla bla bla... why don't you just BELIEVE than everything will end up just fine?
here's how:
first, stop thinking about what will happen. can't you just enjoy the moment you had? what's gonna happen will happen no matter what. so why bother stressing yourself thinking bout it 24-7. dehh.
you see i won't give a shit about writing this in my blog if these 'negative-kind of people' just stress themselves out and let others in peace. but problem is, THEY DID EFFECT PEOPLE AROUND THEM. haiyya, what laa...

point is, just BELIEVE that there is HOPE in any obstacle that you're facing. then this world will be a better place for everybody.

yesterday is history
tomorrow is mystery
today is a gift. that's why it is called the PRESENT.


straight to point, i don't know what is happening to me right now. i used to be blog-geek.
but i hadn't update my blog for almost 1 month!
did someone jinx me or something? even now right now, i don't feel like sharing anything in my blog. i just feel responsible to update my blog NOW because im afraid that my bloggie will merajuk. (:
sorry yeh bloggie.
okay lah.
otak kering. x taw nak tulis ape.
nite bloggie

Sunday, May 8, 2011

my heart is speaking

kenape ade org kate aku ni cepat marah? aku bukan bad temper la. i just have a very sensitive heart. thats all.
im not going to be angry at everything. there are just some 'things' that i am so sensitive about. well, i might look strong from the outside but im fragile in the inside. those who knows me well enough can see right through me. they don't just KNOW me, they are part of me. sad thing is, there are a few people who actually know me since i was a little kid until now but they still don't understand me. they declare themselves as they know me well enough but actually, they just know my character, not my heart.

they judge me.

they think they are correct about me all the time and keep telling me what is wrong all the time. come on ! im 19 ! i know how to differenshit what is good and vice versa. STOP! just stop telling me all the negative things about me. you don't even know my heart so stop judging me. i can't stand it anymore. im not a pressure cooker. i'll burst one day. i can't keep it all inside and pretend that i don't care a thing about what you said to me.
those words hurt me deep. i can't act cool anymore. your words struck my heart so hard that it broke into pieces. and everyday i keep picking up every pieces but each time, i was stuck mid-way because you keep crush it back over and over again. you don't even try to heal me and you don't even give me time to heal it myself.

oh, i forgot, you don't know my heart, do you?

you never even try to know my heart. you just so confidence with yourself acting smart like you know me more than i know myself. that is why i become so rebellious. that is why i don't follow your words. that is why i rarely smile when im with you. i keep it all inside. yes aku pendam. come on, you don't even give me a chance to be myself. you just want me to be who you want me to be. you want me to be perfect for you in your way. im human. not a robot that you can programmed. i want to be perfect for you. but please..please im begging you just let me do it myself in my way. not in your way. please stop being so narrow minded. stop comparing me with others. how do you feel when i started to compare you with others? im sure it hurts you like hell. im human. i have a heart and my heart is not a pressure cooker.

i am sorry. i don't usually being so sensitive towards other people. im so sensitive toward you because i love you. i love you so much but  you don't give me a chance to show you how deep my love is towards you. 

i am angry.

i became angrier from day to day because each day, i lost my opportunity to express my love. im dying to let you know how much i love you. it just that, often, my anger stop me from showing you how much i love you. i heart you. i miss your hug, i miss you say you love me, i miss you say you miss me...

i miss you lah! 

can't you just see it!

open your mind please ! 
please please ):

i know you are not going to read this.
but at this moment, i need to pour my heart out. i can't keep it anymore. i think this time im feeling better. even though i don't know what future will do. but let's hope eh? always have faith. that's what keeping me standing all this while. 

have faith in ALLAH.
HE knows you well enough.

a gift of a mom (:

this is for you, mom.

well, you see, i don't even know how to start a wonderful introduction to describe you. your greatness, your love, your kindness is beyond everything. and i am so terrible for not wishing you a happy mother's day to you earlier today. i am so very sorry okay ? it is just that, i'm....shy you know. but to be honest, i am so in love with you since my very first day that i was embedded in your uterus lining. i can still remember it well ,during that time when i said 'i love you' and you said ' i love you more' then i said 'i love you most' and the you smile. (: i have a very sharp memory you see, and it comes from you. i mean God gave it to you and then you passed it down to me, right?
sorry cause i didn't celebrate mother's day with you like other people did with balloon, cakes, presents, surprises, and other stuff. it just because i don't want you to be in a mess later after the celebration. i love you, that's why.

so since i am so shy to admit anything to you verbally, i think this is the best way for me to actually express everything that i feel toward you since a long time ago. i know im not gold compare to other siblings. i might consider myself as the blacksheep of the family. i did a lot of things that you hate, i broke your heart several times, i didn't express my love towards you in a correct way. is there any wrong way to express love by the way? there are so much more things that i had done that makes you feel sad, pressure and cry. i can't list it all out here since there are soooo much of it. my second child syndrome i torturing me. fine, i can't blame that syndrome. the problem is me myself. but in a nutshell, i am so so so very sorry to you mother for i have sinned. i love you so much my love towards you is beyond comparison. i just want you to know how much i actually love you. i don't have enough strength to say it out loud in front of you everyday and i don't know why. maybe i'm .....shy. no, ego. 

honestly, i hate it to have to look back to stuff that had did that drives you crazy. i know i should learn from those mistakes but it is just me...i don't know why but it hurts me each time i think about it so i just decided to put a mask to cover all of my mistakes. i can't forget it for sure. i just hate it. i hate me for doing that but i just don't want to admit it. (i do admit it now, isn't it?). i know it means a lot to you if i admit it myself in real world and not in this cyberspace but i just..can't bring myself to tell you. i feel so guilty. sorry.

anyway, enough with yesterdays. truth to be told, i am so grateful and happy to have you, mom, as my mom and there is no one in this world that can replace you. there is no way i can repay back to you for all the things you had done to me. you give birth to me, raise me up in a perfect way, feed me, teach me, and most important, love me. okay maybe later in the future i can feed you and take care of you and do other other things to show how much i want to repay all your kindest, i will do, i swear, but there is one gift from you that i can never ever give back to you- u give birth to me. there is no way in the world that i can get pregnant and give birth to you. hehe.
truth is, deep inside me, im struggling to do my best to show how much i love and appreciate you as my mother. i am willing to sacrifice anything for you. i'll dive bullet for you mom, to show how much i need you and i won't be here without you.

i am so terribly sorry for the hard times that i had gave to you or will give to you (we will never know). but i'll try as hard as possible to obey all your requests, orders, wishes....anything!

since you birthday is tomorrow, i would love to take this advantage so that i won't be late-again, to wish you;

happy birthday 
happy mother's day
to you, my 

Julie Kadir.

if there is anything that i forgot to scribble down here for you, i regret it so much. it is just that you are so amazing that there is no word that can describe you just right.

mom, i promise you when i grow up and had make enough money, i'll make your dream garden comes true. i'll hire a gardener to take care of all those angiosperm and gymnosperms so that you can enjoy nature in the middle of global warming. (:
there are a lot more to write but im afraid that i don't have enough time before midnight. i wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday since i had been the last one to wish you happy mother's day. (teruk kan?)
 so that's all FOR NOW.
i heart you so much. mom.
lots of lungss,

Thursday, May 5, 2011

s u d o o o k u

hai, my name is nurul sern and i am a sudokuholic.

'angah, cukup lah tu sudoku nye...meh tolong mak masak ni....' humm. ni ayat mak aku tiap2 hari suruh aku stop buat sudoku yang berfaedah tu. *sorry mak.
what to do..dah seronok sgt sudoku ni ! lagi susah lagi best. sudoku ni mencabar keperempuanan aku ! pantang ni. sudoku bukan setakat fill in the the blank je okay. the keseronokan is beyond others.

even my ex roommate, athirah shah, almost everyday membebel about my sudoku addiction. im so sorry awak. its damn hard to resist. one thing bad about me playing sudoku is because once i start with sudoku, i'll be in different dimension. you talk to me to me, scream to me, and even if you are naked in front of me, i dont give a damn. im sooooo into sudoku. i swear. 
but despite of just ONE disadvantage of sudoku, there lies a lot of benefits that you can gain from it. you can actually prevent yourself getting Alzheimer's during your old age. you know Alzheimer's can give everybody near you a hard time. a very good example is my nanny. she had stayed in my house for two days now but i can't stand it anymore. she kept asking the same thing over and over again every two minutes. she asked for pisang plastik in my house all the time (pisang is her fav). each time i had to tell her that the pisang is fake and she just nod make a sad face.suddenly become very great in acting. then after a few sec she asked again the same question regarding the same fake banana. and each time i have to say the same thing;

'mama, pisang tu plastik lah..'

there are many other examples of Alzheimer's syndrome but enuff with that. you can google about it yourself.
back to benefits of sudoku. sudoku will make you brain think faster in aspect of reasoning. for each sudoku that you did, thousands of neuron will be formed and connected to each other. your brain cell will increased in number. same also for crossword puzzle and word mole. eventually you will became a very fast learner especially in math if you practice sudoku continuously.
there are a lot more benefits of sudoku which you can search for yourself . if i wrote it here in my blog, you will get bored and think 'what are you? walking google?'
in short, you guys, whoever read this should really start doing sudoku all the time. even during your poo-poo time.

very useful during your sembelit moment. as they say, time is precious (:

i have sudoku application in my phone and i found it very useful. (:
but if you found out that this kind of sudoku is lame and oh-so-boring, try other type of sudoku. here is one of my suggestions;

nice wasn't it? and it is so damn hard to do. i loiike !

and as for my becoming birthday on october, (still far away but we must plan early, don't we?)  i have a very special request. i want this ;

can i? can i? can i?
and for this cake, no one can touch it until i solved the sudoku. im working on it in my mind right now.

so dah le tu.
happy sudoku-ing ! 

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

no-idea area

hey bloggie. saye nak sangat conteng2 awak ni. tapi otaks saye dah kering kontang. sorry lah ye. idea dah hilang. lari mane x taw lah

sorry again bloggie. sebab duduk rumah je so x de event baru nak ngumpat same-same. penat dah saye perah otak. dah perah sekuat-kuatnye. nak jawab exam math pon x perah cam ni. dah teran-teran dah tapi idea x dok jugok.


sayang wak bloggie (:

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

yeay yeay, yeay yeay

yahooooooo !!
hehe. saye baru balik dr 'tv hunting'. huu. i got quiet a big catch today. jengg jengg jeng..

hooo. bukan lah besar sgt pon tv ni tp cantik lah ! ni model sharp led aquos. mine is kaler maroon. cantek2. hehe.
nampak gayenye sepanjang hari aku melekat depan tv sampai hangus buntut. 

and our tv hunting doesn't end just like that. dad gave us something extra as the desert to the tv which is...

astro b.yond! hehe. ayah upgrade astro to astro beyond HD tv! exactly the perfect icing for the cake. 

huhahahuhaha. dah excited sgt sampai x taw nak tulis ape lagi. 

pee ass: sape nak tengok moh datang rumoh.

Monday, May 2, 2011

21 loves me.

this is my 21st post! wow. excited!

21 is sooo my number. i dont actually know why i love 21 in the first place but it happens to me that im addicted to this number. many guessed that i love this  number bcos it might be my birthday or my boyfriend's bday and sumting else related which i think, it is soo stupid stupid of them. when i told them i love 21 just because i simply love it, they make "that" it consider as criminal to love something or some 'number' without any reason?  for god's sake, why must they care?
but as time drifting away, i realize that number 21 DOES mean something to me.

its like, my charm. my BAD LUCK charm.

i started to notice thet, during most examinations that i'd took, im stuck at question number 21! selalunye mesti bantai je lah.
another bad thing about 21 is that kene mengundi mase umur 21. gila. cant wait to turn 21. might be my bad year. who knows?
then lagi satu, every month, on 21st, i'll have a rough day. i know its ridiculous to trust this 'charm' thing. well im just telling you my story. up to you whether you want to take it all in or just swept it like that. i have my own stand and you have yours.

but despite of all those bad luck thingy, there are something sweet obout 21.
on 19th october 2009, which was my 17th birthday, my classmate do a surprise party for me! well, not exactly a party but yeah, there were cake and singing birthday song and stuff. what is it have to do with 21? oh, they celebrate it when the clock shows 21:21
that's so sweet and thoughtful i almost cry. (cake secret recipe kot) hehe.

so short story, every one near me, even though they don't know me by name, they will surely know that i love 21.(i wrote 21 at almost everything like books, pencil case, my hands and i wrote it BIG) let them speculate anything that they want about that number and me, but one thing for sure,

I LOVE 21. and 21 loves me too (:

 don't worry cinderella, i love you more.

you sing my heart, avril